The Royal Wedding
We extend our warmest wishes to newlyweds William and Catherine, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
… But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribst and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
Share on FacebookThat is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. ~ Genesis 1:20b-24
The Curse
Filed under: Biblical Principles, Conflict, Female Point of View, Gender Differences, Male Point of View
from Genesis 3, The Message – Immediately the two of them did “see what’s really going on” – saw themselves naked! They sewed fig leaves together as makeshift clothes for themselves. Immediately the two of them did “see what’s really going on”-saw themselves naked! They sewed fig leaves together as makeshift clothes for themselves.
God called to the Man: “Where are you?”
He said, “I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked. And I hid.”
God said, “Who told you you were naked? Did you eat from that tree I told you not to eat from?”
The Beginning of Blame
His version . . .
The Man said, “The Woman you gave me as a companion, she gave me fruit from the tree, and, yes, I ate it.”
Her version . . .
God said to the Woman, “What is this that you’ve done?” “The serpent seduced me,” she said, “and I ate.”
God’s consequences for the serpent . . .
“Because you’ve done this, you’re cursed, cursed beyond all cattle and wild animals, Cursed to slink on your belly and eat dirt all your life. I’m declaring war between you and the Woman, between your offspring and hers. He’ll wound your head, you’ll wound his heel.”
For the woman . . .
“I’ll multiply your pains in childbirth; you’ll give birth to your babies in pain. You’ll want to please your husband, but he’ll lord it over you.”
For the man . . .
“Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree That I commanded you not to eat from, ‘Don’t eat from this tree,’ The very ground is cursed because of you; getting food from the ground Will be as painful as having babies is for your wife; you’ll be working in pain all your life long. The ground will sprout thorns and weeds, you’ll get your food the hard way, Planting and tilling and harvesting, sweating in the fields from dawn to dusk, Until you return to that ground yourself, dead and buried; you started out as dirt, you’ll end up dirt.”
The Hope . . . next time.
Share on Facebook
The Apple
Filed under: Biblical Principles, Communication, Female Point of View, Male Point of View
So was it really an apple?
What exactly was it that the serpent used to tempt Eve? Well, it really wasn’t the fruit at all.
First he asked her a question . . .
Do I understand that God told you not to eat from any tree in the garden?
She elaborated on God’s instructions . . .
Not at all. We can eat from the trees in the garden. It’s only about the tree in the middle of the garden that God said, “Don’t eat from it; don’t even touch it or you’ll die.”
The serpent told her she had been misled . . . by God.
You won’t die. God knows that the moment you eat from that tree, you’ll see what’s really going on. You’ll be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil.
And you know what happened next, right?
When the Woman saw that the tree looked like good eating and realized what she would get out of it-she’d know everything! – she took and ate the fruit and then gave some to her husband, and he ate.
And then what happened?
We’ll save that discussion for another day. It’s really important when it comes to the relationships between women and men. (For a preview, read Genesis 3, The Message.)
Share on Facebook
Turning the Frog Back Into Your Prince
Filed under: Events, Female Point of View, Relationship Patterns
There’s an old saying that goes something like this …
You have to kiss a lot of Frogs
Before you find your Handsome Prince.
But what about those of us who found our Prince only to see him turn into a Frog after ______________________ (fill in the blank).
What went wrong?
Is there anything you can do about it?
Yes! I believe there is a lot you can do! In fact, I’ve already helped hundreds of women discover the secrets to getting their man to fall in love with them all over again.
Please join me for this lively talk about Frogs and Princes and the keys to finding and living in your very own Happily Ever After . . .
Turning “the frog” Back Into Your Prince
Four Things You Can Do Today to Bring Him Back to the
Thoughtful, Romantic Guy You Fell in Love With
Saturday, June 4, 2011
10:00 – 11:30 am
Garden Grove, California
FREE ADMISSION for you and up to two guests!
NOTE: Space is limited, so pre-registration is required.
Introducing Marriage Missions
Please visit our friends at Marriage Missions International – A proactive Christian marriage ministry helping to minister to and save marriage from divorce and assist those preparing for marriage with information reflecting the HEART of CHRIST.
Gender Differences in Couples Counseling
Filed under: Biblical Principles, Counseling, Gender Differences
I’ve had a lot of training in couples counseling over the years. And I’m always surprised at how little is said about the differences between how men and women view life. That’s a pretty important aspect – one that we should pay some serious attention to! Let’s try a little experiment:
Close your eyes for a moment and picture a person.
Now describe that person. Chances are, one of the first things you did was identify the person’s gender. In fact, one of the first methods everyone uses to define someone is whether or not it’s a boy or it’s a girl. Sound familiar?
We start our “training” in maleness or femaleness as soon as our parents find out if we are boys or girls. This used to be at the moment of birth, but with current technology we know much, much sooner than that now.
So if we spend our lifetime “in training” to be male or female, shouldn’t our couples counselor be incorporating that information as we try to figure out the answers to our concerns? And shouldn’t it be done with the utmost respect for each? After all we are all created in the image of God.
So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them. ~ Genesis 1:27
p.s. We’ll talk about “the apple” next time. = )
Share on Facebook
What happened to the romance?
Filed under: Dating, Engaged, Events, Female Point of View, Gender Differences, Male Point of View, Marriage, Relationship Patterns, What every couple should know
I hear it all the time.
After the chase is over, after he’s won your heart, he changes. And not for the better.
He stops paying attention to you.
He watches TV all the time or is on the computer.
He stays later and later at work.
You miss the conversation, the attention, the romance. In other words, your Prince is more like a frog these days than he is the man you fell in love with.
Here’s an idea . . .
What if we’ve been asking the wrong questions? What if we haven’t been given the right answers? What if the guy isn’t the one who’s always wrong? What if it’s not him that changed? What if it was you? What if he is reacting to the changes in you? Well, if it was you, you have the power to fix that, right?
This is good news, very good news indeed!
In the very brief span of 90 minutes, you can learn what to do immediately to get your relationship back on track . . . without manipulation! There is so much we women don’t know about men, and I’ve been working on changing that for the last 19 years . . . as a partner, a mom, a psychologist, and a university professor. I’d love to share this information with you, so I hope you’ll join us on Saturday, June 4th, for our next Women’s Workshop. It’s free, but pre-registration is required. Click here for details.
Share on Facebook
Women Are Simple: Cracking the Code
Filed under: Ask, Female Point of View, Gender Differences, Male Point of View, What every couple should know
Men always tell me that women are far too complicated. I always disagree. (It’s the men who are complicated, but I’ll write about that another time.)
Would you like to figure out women?
What makes them tick? What do they really want? They tell you every day. Multiple times a day. You just have to crack the code.
Women are taught to be indirect. It’s their communication style. So what they say isn’t always as simple as it seems. But the clues are there.
I can help you find the clues … and crack the code! Just click the button on the left to send me a note, and I’ll help you decipher their messages.
Men and Emotions
Filed under: Emotions, Female Point of View, Gender Differences, Male Point of View, Relationship Patterns, What every couple should know
It’s time to uncover our assumptions about men and emotions. As human beings, we experience a wide range of feelings that typically fit in one of the following categories: anger, fear, sadness, hurt, and joy.
Although most of us have been taught that men don’t experience the same emotions that women do, that’s just not true. However, men express those emotions quite differently than women do.
When a woman feels overwhelmed, she might say she feels abandoned, afraid, controlled, discounted, dismissed or “blown off,” flooded with emotion, hopeless, hurt, ignored, invalidated, like she doesn’t know what she’s done, or that she doesn’t matter.
Does this sound familiar to you? What feelings do you have when you’re not getting along?
On the other hand, a man is more likely to say he feels analyzed, angry, attacked, blank, confused, disconnected, depressed, empty, frustrated, inadequate, misunderstood, numb, or smothered. Although not all men have the same emotional expressions, a man will often tell me he feels criticized, like he’s failed, or like it’s always his fault.
Have you ever heard your mate say anything like this when you’re not getting along? What words does he use?
Chances are he is feeling emotionally flooded, just like you are.
However, there are very few socially-acceptable responses men can use when they’re feeling vulnerable. First, it’s considered “okay” for men to express anger. So many of their feelings are translated into angry expressions.
But if he doesn’t want to say mean things to you, he only has one other socially-acceptable option: to withdraw and avoid the conflict.
Yes, that’s right! When he’s refusing to talk about something, he’s probably either feeling overwhelmed by your conversation or trying to prevent himself from feeling overwhelmed.
Remember, he really does love to please you. Your arguments are a sign that he is displeasing you. Even though he may desperately want connection with you, he may inadvertently sabotage his own goal by “withdrawing, striking out, tuning out, changing the subject, joking, being nice, falling silent” (Bergman, 1995).
Observe which stance your mate takes when you’re not getting along. It’s a clue to the negative cycle the two of you have created. (Please notice that I didn’t say it’s all your fault. The two of you created it together.)
Negative cycles usually go something like this: Most men withdraw for as long as they can “take it.” Women believe the silence means he doesn’t care, and keep after him trying to get him to respond. He hangs on as long as he can, then comes back with something mean to say. This is the “pursuer-distancer” and the “blame-defend” patterns that are so common among couples.
Share on Facebook
Think About the Good
Filed under: Biblical Principles, What every couple should know
When you think of your partner, do you dwell on his/her faults? Or do you focus your thoughts on how blessed your are to have him/her in your life? No person is all bad. Each of us carries the seeds of goodness within us. We are all created in the image of God. Let your thoughts be about the goodness within your mate today.
Share on FacebookFinally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ~ Philippians 4:8
FREE SEMINAR may 19
FREE WEBINAR
Follow Dr. Debi Smith
Dr. Smith is passionate about helping Christian couples and single adults figure out better ways to apply biblical principles and the findings of scientific research to their everyday lives. She holds a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) degree, with a Minor in Applied Theology, from Biola University.
-
This book is a fun read!In her easy-going conversational style, Dr. Debi helps couples learn to pay attention to one another’s needs and be responsive to one another in light of each partner’s unique design and purpose.
Single, dating, engaged, married ...
for the "Hopeful Romantic" in everyone!Now available for Instant Download!
Our 2013 Newsletter
Subscribe by Email
VISIT OUR MAIN WEBSITE
Wedding Resources
Web powered by
